Saz Dosanjh

Flash Fiction for Busy People

Damon Chiselhurst – Psychic Woodworking Tools Detective

Damon picked up the Handsaw, and put it down. The chisel, hammer, screwdrivers, plane and clamps. He took a step back and turned to Mrs Williams, The sequence on the blog looks random but it’s a trail of clues created by his subconscious. John has gone to the Philippines, with a frumpy brunette from his office. Damon wondered why he would leave Mrs Williams for a frumpy brunette but kept his thoughts to himself.

John Williams was a woodwork enthusiast and blogger. One day he went missing. The police filed the routine report and then went back to chasing fast cars in the big city, just like on tv. Mrs Williams, forlorn, desperate, turned to Damon Chiselhurst, a psychic detective who claimed he could divine clues hidden in woodworking tools. The news was annoying, Mrs Williams wanted a death certificate so she could claim the life insurance and move on. She did not need a trip to the Philippines. Call me Marie, there’s no need to be formal. Why don’t we have a coffee, or perhaps something stronger? Damon sensed danger but was drawn to the allure of the not-quite-grieving widow.

He woke up with a thumping head, where am I? Then it all came back to him. He had spent the night, after several drinks, Marie… oh no! He had agreed to go to the Philippines with her, they had bought tickets.

Manilla. They found a DIY store near the airport, assuming John would have gone there to get new woodworking tools as soon as he arrived. Sure enough, a Circular Saw told him they were headed North, to Candon. This was a new development, Damon couldn’t usually get clues from electrical tools. He checked a jigsaw, router, drill, power sander and a planer. They confirmed Candon. Damon wondered is it the brand or do they have a different electrical system here? But he felt guilty investigating this on Marie’s dime, he’d have to get into it later. They took a bus headed North. Candon is a small place, they found John soon enough and Marie explained the plan. They could make it look like a woodworking accident, then she would get the death certificate. Damon was horrified, I agreed to help find him, this is murder! She had overestimated her allure. She recanted, I’m sorry Damon, I don’t know what got into me. Let’s just forget the whole thing, we’ll find a hotel for the night, and I could do with a drink.

He woke up with a thumping head, where am I? This isn’t the hotel. He didn’t recognise the house, he stepped out of the bedroom directly onto a patio with a swimming pool. He noticed the unusually dark water, and severed body parts floating in it. Then he saw the array of Cordless Tools; drill, circular saw, jigsaw, power sander, planer. It seemed that John had tried out the regular tools and then bought the cordless version of each one. Damon liked that John had put some thought into buying his tools and he wasn’t afraid to try unfamiliar local brands. But having no recollection of last night he would have to discern memories from the tools. He picked up the circular saw.

Marie was already on the flight back home, with Damon’s passport in her luggage. A maniacal grin spread accross her face, I’m Damon Chiselhurst, Psychic Woodworking Tools Detective, she imaged the Philippino policeman whacking a cane on the desk and shouting something incomprehensible.

I hope you have better luck with the police than I did, or maybe not! Ha!

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About Me

An Anglo-Indian diarist and fantasist. I played guitar in a rock band until destiny took to me to Barcelona where I had a horrific motorcycle accident and took to composing outlandish stories while lying on my death bed. Fortunately, I was in the wrong bed.

The sequence of these events is almost certainly correct and most of the facts are indisputable.

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